He gets excused from the courtroom to collect his thoughts. Heads to the bathroom and locks the door behind him. He doesn’t want to be interrupted. Looks up at the wall clock and reads 11:30. He’s got five minutes to himself.
He stares blankly at the mirror and sees a desperate man, sees a child who is lost and finding his way back, a tortured soul who’s been through it and still made it. He sees a man who never had the chance to be a child. He catches his father’s reflection, the man he’s groomed to despise all his life growing up. He sees a broken man who was molded to be the perfect husband, even before he knew how to walk and talk.
Time still ticking, mercilessly.
Opens the faucet and splashes water on his face… twice… three times… he almost drowns in that sink… he wants to scream so much but no sound comes out. He’s always felt as if he’s held back for her sake, because she deserved it all, because she was the hero in his movie and he was simply the supporting role.
He splashes his face one last time, reaches out for a paper towel and begins to dry his face till the towel is soft and starts to disintegrate. He looks at himself in the mirror, this time he doesn’t avoid his own eyes and for a split second he feels proud of himself. He is ready to stand up to her, even if it means that she won’t like him for this, which is impossible, a mother will love her son no matter what. Besides, this is not about her, it’s about him. He’s ready to claim the starring role of his own movie. He’s ready to face the judge, the jurors and the prosecution. And they’re all staring back at him. Everybody is rooting for him to win. He just got to believe.
Looks at the clock hanging on the wall through the reflection off the mirror and takes a deep breath. Then another. One last breath in and holds it in, feels his heart beating through his chest, then exhales hard. It’s 11:35. Time’s up.
After all we’ve been through Turns out
We never knew each other well
Thought that we had each other’s back
Thought that we could be friends after what we have been through
But boy was I wrong
I never imagined you always felt that way about me, your only son
I never knew all the resentment you had pinned inside
Waiting for the right moment to strike
never knew I disgusted you
All the while, I always aimed to please you
Boy was I ever more blindfolded
Was I ever so naive
In thinking you would change
In thinking you would grow to like me
Yesterday was an interesting day. A day full of laughter, screams and wonder. Defying gravity and logic while riding on roller coasters that were familiar yet foreign, we felt at ease because we had each other to share the thrills and the laughter in the midst of some horrifying experiences, facing our greatest fears together and suddenly there was almost nothing we couldn’t do because we had each other’s back.
It’s taken me a while to learn to trust again. I have been hurt many times and for a long time. Sometimes by family members that I once admired. Sometimes by people I considered to be real friends but I learned there were only there when it was convenient for them. Yesterday I decided to let my guard down as I put my body through G forces and extreme situations that would otherwise petrify me, only this time I had my friends next to me to hold their hand, to share the laughter and the screams, to tell them how I felt through the shared experiences and listen to their perspective, to realize that what scares me doesn’t necessarily scare them or vice versa.
All four of us have fears. Some of them imaginary and some of them real. All four of us have experienced loss and hurt. All four of us have been deceived, have been lied to, have been left behind. All four of us know of the pain of feeling alone in a big crowd. All four of us know what it’s like to have a friend that will listen.
Yesterday was filled with excitement, empowering tasks, shared dreams and fears and new found strength we thought we had lost in the roller coaster of life. Turns out that we are courageous, fearless, stronger than we ever before. Turns out that having friends like you have made me a superhero for I feel invincible, unstoppable, unbreakable. Thanks for being part of my special league of heroes each equipped with different powers and weaknesses. Like David Bowie said
We can be heroes just for one day.
Never Outshine The Master
Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends, Learn How To Use Enemies
According to Robert Greene, author of the 48 Laws To Power, there are shady people working very hard at crushing everybody around therefore he felt it was his duty to warn his readers to watch out for those who seek power on your behalf… except when that game is played by his masterfully crafted laws to power such as:
Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit
Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy
Or, my personal favorite:
Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following
And many more fun and, need I say, very shocking revelations that there are sick people in this world that buy into this mentality and “succeed” in their heads by deceiving, lying, stealing, using people to their advantage, take other people’s credits, use Friends for your malicious ideas and many more fun ways to become Donald Trump.
Wake up, Mayan Princess… Welcome back from your long slumber… I wonder… How long has it been, Mayan Princess
Wake up from your slumber / Oh Mayan Princess / Titulah, over there, titulah / full moon up in the cloudless sky / Luna Llena welcomes you back
Warrior Princess / I have longed for your return / titulah, over there, titulah la Luna/ there comes Mayan Princess / riding on a cloud / standing on a pirámide that once witnessed your sacrifice / guarded by sister virgins / you saved our people, Mayan Princess, your selfless sacrifice we already remember
The universe agrees with me that I should be writing and share many things whomever wants to listen. ..tzet’shi winaj…Titulah
You are inspiring me to do many thing…Yesss my soul was once trapped…the universe has will free my soul. I will be reborn again
Redemption is within your reach and your option to take. You’re redeemable and worthy. Somehow you forgot to fight, somehow you gave up on the chance of becoming the best person you can be.
Redemption is yours for the taking but you gotta want it first. Believe that deep inside you there’s a butterfly ready to bat its wings and fly above all that hurt, fly above your daily problems, fly above your shortcomings, fly above your procrastination and fly above your dissappointments and struggles.
Redemption. You must want it bad enough otherwise it’s not for you. You gotta want it bad enough like you wanted before. You gotta want it bad and work hard to get it. God is knocking on your door ready to redeem all your sins, wash you clean and make you whole; all you gotta do is get up and get the door. Redemption is waiting at the door… you must want it bad enough, must forgive yourself for all the times you’ve disappointed yourself and those you love the most, forgive that you have not fought hard enough for your own redemption even though you claim to want it with all your heart. You might have thrown the towel but the fight is not over, you can still get up and give 100% until the fight is over. You can always get up, there’s a greater strength within you waiting to be released. Explore yourself and find that fighter in you, he’s been given another chance to fight back. Just get up and get ready for another round.
Redemption is there, within your reach. You just gotta want it bad enough. Get up and fight for yours. Redemption is yours. Take what belongs to you.
Birds sitting on tree branches, the crows the sparrows and the finches, serenading songs without flinching
I want a REVOLution! Brothers and sisters
in this poetry celebration
And let’s become a
Change begins with
you and me, my friends
Put down your pistols
Get off that ledge
Let’s start loving
instead of hating
Set yourselves FREE
I want a REVOLution
I want an EVOLUTION
A part of the SOLUTION
Build a LOVE Nation
A LOVE rEVOLution!!!
© 2015 Victor Sotomayor
To all those who love poetry, love a poet or simply like to listen in and enjoy poetry: if it wasn’t for you and the love you inspire in us, there wouldn’t be poets nor poetry. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and continue being creative in other ways, we see you.
I’M NOT A POET
Stop asking me if I’m a poet
I already said that I don’t have anything to share
I already said that I’m not poet
How many more times do I have to say it?
If I’m not a poet
Doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate poetry
Doesn’t mean that I can’t feel pain
Doesn’t mean that I’m different from you
The fact that I’m not a poet doesn’t mean
that I don’t smell the flowers
That I don’t see angels around me
That I feel music within my soul
That I’m not spiritual or
That I don’t believe that we’re all the same
That I don’t see that rainbow in the clouds
I also bleed the same blood you do
I also breathe the same air you do
I also see the same injustices on TV
I also have heartaches and pains and struggles
But I don’t have to put it in a poem
I just deal with all of it
The best way I can
I’m not a poet
that doesn’t mean that
I’m not creative in my own way
It doesn’t mean that you
And only you
Own the problems of the world
I also have heartaches
I also suffer injustice
I also have depression
I also suffer from stress
But I don’t put it in a poem like you do…
I wish I could
I wish I could…
So stop asking me
If I’m a poet
Stop trying to put me in a box
Where I don’t belong
Let me sit back here
In this dark corner
and snap my fingers…