You Are Here

“You are here”
The sign says,
“You are here”
Marked with a red dot
On a roadmap.

Where is here
I ask
Where is here
when I don’t like I belong
Here

You are here
Is that even true?
Am I

really

here?
Or is my body here and my mind elsewhere?

A footprint
A breath
A cry
A silent scream
Nobody hears you

here.

You are here
feeling alone as ever
But you’re never alone
Remember?

Dark Forest

Today’s prayer: In these troubled hour, I ask the spirits to guide me through the dark forest, to show me the way.
Guide me! Help me!

And the most important part of this prayer: THANK YOU!

©2014 Victor Sotomayor

Trust

I trust myself.
I trust that I’m capable of doing my job well and enjoy it.
I trust that I am smart.
I trust that I will succeed and excel today.
I trust in God and I trust that He lives me.

One Year Ago Today…

One year ago today…

I wouldn’t call myself a poet, now I write poetry…

I never heard of haiku, now I write one every day…

I was a blogger, now I blog even more…

I wrote for other people’s enjoyment, now I write for mine…

I wouldn’t share my personal feelings with strangers, now I do it every time that I get on that mic…

I had stage fright, now I still do yet I face it every time I attend open mics… And it feels good!

I didn’t love myself, now I not only love myself but I remind myself how great I am because nobody else is going to!

I admired actors on stage and wished I had been an actor myself, now I act every single time I recite poetry.

I told myself that I wished I had picked up a musical instrument now I still wish I played a guitar but I have the most beautiful instrument inside of me, waiting to be explored with endless possibilities. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to do…

I fear talking to people now I get excited to meet new artists every day, I see angels all around me, people who touch me in ways I would have never imagined, intellectually stimulating and spiritual.

I had reservations about talking about my poetry for fear of rejection now I want to shout it out from the top of the mountain! Poetry is very much alive, it’s healing, nurturing, loving, ever knowing. I’m addicted to poetry.

Little Miracles, Part Deux

* Amir’s Garden
* The Company of my Soul Sister who guides me to the garden
* The two horses drinking from the water well after a long hike up from the Equestrian Center up to Amir’s. Seeing the beauty, touching their neck, feeling and sensing their acceptance of my touch and allowing me to feel their life force and their energy. Such an amazing feeling.
* Remembering all those birds that kept singing their beautiful tunes as my Soul Sister and I had delicious quiche at Trails.
* Seeing the blinking lights above her head and realizing that they were not light bulbs.
* Noticing everyone around me and their unspoken love for nature and love for one another, an atmosphere of happiness that was felt at Amir’s Garden and Trails, just an amazing feeling.
* Crying of happiness because I shared my story with my terrific aunt. She knows what I’m talking about and she accepts me. I notice that she’s always been spiritual and wiser than before.
* God gives me miracles every day. Every single day is a blessing. Every breath. Every memory. Every interaction. A handshake, a hug, a kiss. Laughter. Tears of joy.

Money Can’t Buy Happiness

Money can’t buy happiness, they say.

Who’s they, anyways? Was it someone rich and famous that said those lines? Or was it someone who was so out of his luck that gave up and decided to come up with that line in order to feel good about himself?
Truth is money can’t buy happiness, it sure doesn’t but, heck, in a capitalist world ruled by money, credit, power and acquisitions, money comes close to buy one happiness or the illusion of happiness. I’m not asking for a lot, just a few million dollars would do. One million is not enough nowadays, I’ll need about ten million or so to really make it count. I wouldn’t mind more than that, obviously. I want to slide my ATM card in and see 7 or 8 digit figures on the screen and that would put a big smile on my face… Wouldn’t that make me happy?

Now, I know that money can’t buy me happiness, I know that. Just like it can’t buy me love either. Especially when it comes to loving myself. Now that’s the key element in that sentence: Money can’t buy me love for myself. It’s impossible. Money can’t flip the way I think overnight and make me love myself, love all my imperfections and flaws as well as my strengths and uniqueness. Nobody can buy self esteem and if someone came up with that I’d like to hear him.

Money is abstract. Just like music is abstract, art is abstract, love is abstract. So is money. The concept behind money is a misconception of power created by humans that wanted to own things, own slaves, own cattle, own property, own a wife and a mistress. Everything your heart desires is yours, anything you can touch is yours. Until someone decided to put a price tag on it and ask for coin.
If you think deeper and deeper, the mineral that coin contains whether is gold, silver, bronze or whatever doesn’t really have a real value, does it? It can also be abstract since before gold and silver were exploited, they were just part of the landscape. For all we know, we may be made of gold, we have the same minerals inside of our bodies, we are all connected to the elements in the universe so why not be gold? Why not be silver? Why not be stars?
So, what about it? What is it with us and money? When did it start ruling our lives and our thoughts? When did money become such a necessity? Would we die without money? Probably not. Would we be happier if we didn’t have any money? Hey, when I had no money to buy me a pair of new sneakers or even an appetizing lunch when I was in high school I remember being happier than I am today when I can eat a whole rotisserie chicken with French fries on my own. So why am I worrying about money? Since when do I give it such importance in my life? When did money become such a pain in the ass? I need money to survive, sure, everybody does but I don’t need to make money the idol that most people make it out to be.
I could die tomorrow and money will not have made me happier, or holier, or purer or whatever… The only thing money could do is buy me a nice looking coffin, a cello concerto, an operetta singer, or better yet an angelic choir and a nice plot up in Forrest Lawn, the other up in Glendale next to Michael Jackson. However money wouldn’t buy me happiness, love, self esteem, worth and life purpose. On the contrary, I think money will steer me further away from these things, the things that are worth living for.
So I will live today as if there was no money problems. Money will not rule my life, or alter my mood, or make me happy or sad. Money will not determine how I lead my life. Money will not buy friendships or relationships that are worthwhile. Money is worthless to me since there’s never enough money in the world to buy what I need. The universe will provide me with all that I need. I have got all that I need right here, right now.

To Elvira

20140330-015742.jpg

I don’t know how to start this poem
I guess from the beginning?
Ahem…

Oh Lavender,
Like an old dear friend
You’ve always been there,
With your sweetest scent
You filled me with joy….

Oh, what am I saying,
I’m not a poet!
Only thing I know
Is that it’s you, Elvira,
make my days brighter

Each day of the week
I see you having a bitchen morning
Tell me about your day
Tell me
How you’ve walked your dogs this morning
How wonderful your hike was
Up in Griffith Park and Fern Dale
How many different birds have you spotted
along your way up to Dante’s Peak?
How many hundreds of pictures did you snap
of that butterfly
Or that hummingbird
Or that woodpecker
Or that seagull
Or that cute guy at the park…
Wait, what! Where! When! Who!

Look!
Look what Elvira is up to today
Having a bitchen day
And wishing us enough.

So today
I wish you enough!
Cuz you deserve it,
Cuz you’re there for me as I’m there for you
Cuz we both know the power of our words
Cuz we know how strong our friendship is

So have a bitchen birthday,
a bitchen year,
a bitchen life
Cuz… Well… You ARE bitchen!

©2014 Victor Sotomayor

Everything is Abstract

ME: I just realized EVERYTHING is abstract… Wow, crazy
ELVIRA: It really is, it is just matter of spirit
ME: money, workload, stress, sadness, joy
movies, music
ELVIRA: yes, all of it
ME: I just think that’s soooo crazy
ELVIRA: we have no control over it
ME: God, spirit, soul, emotions
it’s not visible yet it exists!
Mind blown
ELVIRA: we r just here to enjoy and live life freely and to its fullest
ME: yes
ELVIRA: It’s crazy man
ME: It’s like a journey of the spirit, our bodies just borrowed… time is abstract too
ELVIRA: Journey of mind and spirit
ME: Space and time are abstract, too
ELVIRA: we r all just
ME: Dust in the wind
that’s all we r
and that’s OK.
I’m loving life right now
ELVIRA:
Like a Led Zeppelin song, Kashmir:
“I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been … They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed”
totally bitchen song
i gotta listen to it now
ME: love is abstract too
ELVIRA: on the highest level
ME: can’t quite prove it
but we know it’s there
all our emotions
everything we feel is abstract
crazy
ELVIRA: i think that is how or why i close my eyes when listening to music…i see colors as i hear the music
ME: totally
ELVIRA: it is spirit to me
so i want to see it
ME: I feel the emotions captured in songs
ELVIRA: it is so cool
ME: or melodies
our memories imbedded
I wish I could be at the beach right now
wait a minute I can!!
ELVIRA:
u r in ur mind

u can hear the waves and smell the salt
ME: I close my eyes and I’m there!
ELVIRA: yup
plus added bonus no sand in ur clothes
lol
ME:I like sand!
lol
ELVIRA:
i tend to think about the sky and vastness as when i am out walking
i can pic it
all blue
ME: I have tears of joy right now
ELVIRA:
feel the sun on my face
and hold my arms open wide and tell the universe i am open to the changes and i am safe
ME: that was beautiful
I could see the water beneath my barefeet
ELVIRA:
Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
ME:
I felt so good
I still feel great
ELVIRA:
Oh, pilot of the storm that leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Like the dust that lufts high in June, when moving through Kashmir.
ME:
I just had too many epiphanies at once
it was unbelievable!!!!
and overwhelming

©2014 Victor Sotomayor